Lessons, Reflections, and Blessings

I've been back in the US for nearly 2 weeks now, and have given mission reports in 2 churches already (one more to go next week!). Public speaking has never been something that comes easily to me. In the past, I've had to write out everything word-for-word, and I'd stress and worry myself to a frazzle before I got up to speak, afraid I'd forget something or that it wouldn't sound right or make sense. But God has been doing amazing things. Last Sabbath, I wasn't feeling well. I had a sore throat and wondered if I'd be able to speak and do special music. But I prayed, and when the time came to sing and speak, my voice was fine, and I felt great! The report went well, I wasn't very nervous, and didn't have to rely too much on my notes. All Sabbath I felt perfectly fine, until sunset. By Sunday evening, my voice was gone and I felt absolutely miserable. I really believe that God worked a miracle that Sabbath, and restored my health so I could tell of His working in my life.

This Sabbath I was scheduled for an afternoon meeting, which meant I didn't have a time limit. (I was given 30 minutes before.) I wondered how I would fill the time. I'd never spoken longer than 30 minutes for any public presentation! Again, I gave my fears to God. I remembered a prayer that Ellen White often prayed - that God would give her perfect freedom as she spoke - and I prayed the same prayer. I prayed that God would give me the words He wanted me to speak, the message He had for these people. Again, my prayer was answered in an incredible way. The Lord brought things to my mind that weren't in my notes, and gave me perfect freedom as I spoke. I can hardly believe that I spoke for more than an hour! All the glory goes to God. I am not a public speaker. I know that it was God who spoke through me.

There is one thing I want to share with you, something that has come to my realization over the past month or two. As I reflected over my time in Thailand, I thought back over the things I wished I'd done differently. Probably the biggest thing I wish I'd done differently is to spend more time getting to know people - getting outside my comfort zone. And suddenly the realization broke upon me that the reason this happened - the reason I hadn't stepped outside my comfort zone as much as I should have - is because I hadn't been doing it at home. I remember thinking at home, "Oh, I should visit my neighbors...," but I never did. I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I thought it would be awkward. So I didn't. But I had thought, "Once I get to Thailand, that will change. Then I will visit people in their homes every day and get to know them, and maybe I can talk about Jesus with them." Well guess what? I went to Thailand, and nothing changed. The same fears were still there. I thought about visiting people - I thought about walking up to one of the old grandmothers along my street, and introducing myself, and trying to make conversation - but I never did. I stuck with the comfortable, familiar routine. I spent time with those I already knew, and I allowed my fears to stop me from meeting new people and making new friends. I didn't go out of my way to talk to people. I'm ashamed to say it, ashamed to write it. But it has made me more determined than ever that I want to change. I want God to change me, to take my fears and replace them with His courage - with "holy boldness" for Christ.

I'm reminded of a quote in an article I read about atheists - about how they made their journey into atheism (the almost unanimous answer was the "dry formalism" of nominal Christianity). One particular atheist made the statement, "I don't respect people who don't proselytize. I don't respect that at all. If you believe that there's a heaven and hell and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think that it's not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward... How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?"(emphasis mine) It burns. It tortures my conscience. It's true...I don't really have the love for souls that Jesus has. But I want it. Oh, I want it... "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

Maybe you or someone you know is wanting to go to the mission field. I plead with you, don't wait to go overseas before you decide to get out of your comfort zone. Do it now. If you're too afraid to talk to your neighbors now, you'll be just as afraid to talk to your neighbors in Thailand or the Philippines or anywhere else. Location doesn't change the heart. Fear remains the same wherever you go. Don't expect to run from it, and find a "new fearless you" in some foreign mission field. It won't happen. Let God change you now. Give Him your fears. Step out and work for God where you are.


Note: I will not be posting anymore on this blog. During the next year that I will be in the Philippines, I will have very limited internet, and I don't think it would be worth it to make a new "Philippine Adventures" blog just for the few times I'd be able to post. I will, however, continue sending out email updates. If you are not on my email list, and would like to be, please send me an email at studentmissionary05@hotmail.com, and I will add you to my list. God bless you!