Useless

Have you ever been tempted with the thought that your job isn't important? Perhaps your heart has yearned and pined for bigger and greater things. Maybe you envy those (like myself) who have been called to the mission field, and you wish you could have been chosen, too.

Guess what? We missionaries feel it, too. Those back home often hear only the romantic side of mission life - adventure, exotic food, beautiful scenery, friendly people, Bible studies and baptisms, miraculous healings and deliverance from danger. But then there are the days when it seems like there is absolutely nothing of consequence happening. On days like these (which sometimes easily stretch into months), it is easy to doubt our calling, and wonder, Am I really doing any good here? What is the point? Nothing's happening! What kind of missionary am I? 

Before I came to Thailand, I often felt discontent with my life in the States, and I yearned and pined for some greater work overseas. If only I could be a real missionary in the jungle somewhere, then I could really make a difference. Then I'd feel fulfilled. Finally my dream came true, and I embarked on my journey to Thailand as a student missionary. It wasn't the jungle, but it was the mission field, and I was excited. But now, almost 3 months into my stay here, the questions and feelings of uselessness have come creeping back. You're not a real missionary. You're only a homeschool teacher, Satan would taunt me. What good are you doing here? Can you really call yourself a missionary when you have no Thai friends and haven't even learned to communicate with people here after 3 months? Recognizing that these thoughts were from the enemy, I tried to push them away. I knew God had sent me here for a reason, but still that one little thought nagged me, that perhaps I wasn't really doing "real missionary work".

Less than a week after these doubts assaulted my thoughts, I went caroling with the church youth. Riding in the back of a pickup with a few other youth, I struck up a conversation with one of them. Sixteen-year-old Wit had apparently been watching me from week to week, and observed that I was different from the others. "I never met a Christian like you before," he confided to me. Then he barraged me with questions - what music I listen to, what I do for fun, whether I'd ever had a boyfriend.  I sensed somehow that he was struggling in his own Christian walk, perhaps searching for something better, more fulfilling. He then shared how he had just broken up with his girlfriend because he'd found it difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who believes differently than he. (Wit's girlfriend was Buddhist, and saw no problem with clubbing, drinking, etc.) We discussed many things, and I was so grateful for the opportunity to encourage this young man in his Christian walk.

Our ministry in Khon Kaen will be targeted largely toward young people, as it is a university town. And I feel strongly that the work in Thailand as a whole should be targeted towards the youth - for it is the youth who will finish the work. What better way to reach the youth than through other youth? As I reflected on my conversation with Wit, my heart swelled as I realized how God had used me, even when I thought I was useless - just a homeschool teacher in a little Adventist ghetto in Bangkok. I thought what an impact Wit can have on his peers as he surrenders his life fully to God! He is a natural leader, and I hope and pray that one day Wit will play an important role in helping to raise up an army of workers for God here in Thailand. Please pray with me especially for the youth of Thailand, and remember - you are never useless! You never know who may be impacted by your silent witness for Christ.